On a retreat

It's midnight on Monday night. I'm sitting on the bed I've been sleeping on for the past week which is two futon mattresses piled on top of each other. Outside is dark, like really dark, and I'm scared of the dark but I can't hide from it because there aren't any curtains. That is sort of a good metaphor for what its like to be on a week long retreat with just yourself and your collaborator. 


Also the back of my hands are rubbed raw from rehearsing for a piece where we have our hands inside of our pants the whole time. Now that's dedication. amiright?

anyway here is a bunch of stuff that is present, or coming up, or hanging out, or exploding, or swimming around inside our bodies, the studio and our mind grapes

The gentle humping ballerina

Sexuality is hanging out, power is hanging out, desperation is hanging out

Interrupting familiar movement trajectories over and over 

Silo Studio

Silo Studio

Idea boot camp- Coming up with ideas and actually doing them. Right there. When you think of them. No matter how silly they sound.

Write the most emotionally drenched vulnerable thing you can. and then read it to me!

The concept of Woman as a subcategory to being female

This gem

How much mucus can Magda's nose actually make?

What does it mean if we do a whole dance with our hands down our pants? Is there a difference between hands moving around inside of pants and using your pelvis as a handle? If we don't lead ourselves around by our pelvishandles will people think we're copping out?

Multiple art mediums that are dependent on each other. ex, music only a dancer could make

A dance film where the dancer on camera is aware of the dancer filming and they have a duet with the camera being one person's point of view.

A duet where the only unison is the rhythm/rate of change of the movement, which is improvised

7 minute dances. You must dance for 7 minutes. That's it.

This led to a bunch of questions about maintaining space/performance presence/consciousness while also doing movement. Why does this feel so difficult? How can I create movement that feels free of associations? (Some tactics mentioned above) How can we use our movement habits to dive inside and create something new?


The movement doesn’t slip out.
It rips out. Like rough wood on sandpaper the movement squeezes out of my body.
What does this mean what does THIS mean? And where did the impetus for this come from? Was it pure? Was it sensation? Or did I have an ulterior motive of composition, of aesthetic, of habit? And if I did is that bad? Is it only bad if I wasn’t aware of it but since I’m aware of it maybe its ok?
The movement is trampled by analysis before it can realize its full growth in its fleeting existence on my body. Guess I’ll stand here some more and maybe look out the window. If im looking out the window and not at the audience am I present? If I’m looking into her eyes and thinking about something she said before am I being present? If I’m looking into her eyes and moving my tongue around in my mouth and scrunching my toes on the floor because I am uncomfortable am I being present? If I’m moving my tongue and scrunching my toes because I’m uncomfortable sitting inside the discomfort the unknown sitting and hanging out with it as twitches drip off my body onto the floor and into the air in the silence around me molding the atmosphere of the now into the shape of the improvisation am I being present?

Here's an example of what one may write about in their journal on an artistic retreat:

Obligatory Horse Pic

Obligatory Horse Pic

We wanted to do writing, work on new stuff, lunch, work on old stuff. But instead we did breakfast, work on new stuff, late lunch, go for a walk. Which I’m glad we did today because if we didn’t we would have wanted to do it later and honestly it wasn’t that great and we would have had more expectations built up about spending time in the nature. But everything here is still covered in snow. And, the thing that I said to Magda today, was that we’re here during the worst/best seasonal time because everything is dead, and it is also the end of the season of death, so it's like double death. We are surrounded by nature inside of the double death stage and that is where we are making our work.

Here is another example:

The meat smell is getting to me. My nose is all confused.